I’m an introvert. I like interactions with people to be easy, friction-free. That’s probably why I’m obsessed with emotional intelligence. I listen, I read people, I understand what they need from me and more importantly I work to communicate with them in a way that allows them to actually hear what I’m saying. This reduces friction in work and life.
When I talk about human-friction, I’m referring to any time an interaction between people doesn’t flow. It might be a disagreement, a misunderstanding or a miscommunication, anything that knocks that interaction off track.
We all operate on a set of social norms, an unspoken rhythm of how things are ‘supposed’ to work. Friction shows up when something falls outside of that rhythm.
And here’s the key: friction isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s necessary. But it always costs energy. It takes more effort to navigate those moments. That’s where emotional intelligence comes in, not to erase the friction, but to work through it with clarity, empathy, and intention.
So what do you do with human-friction once you step in it? Here are three places to start:
1. Say What You Actually Mean
A lot of friction starts with vague communication. People hint, hedge or simply don’t include enough information or detail and then expect others to fill in the blanks. That’s when things derail.
Don’t make people guess. Say the thing. Be clear. Be direct. Be kind, but not vague.
And here’s the nuance: say what you mean in a way your audience can actually hear. If you want to be understood, you have to tailor your words. In my case, I work in tech and I build things for people who (frequently) don’t fully understand the technology I use. I explain something to a client in plain language, but I’ll use completely different words with a developer. Same meaning, different delivery.
2. Listen Like You Mean It
Most friction isn’t cause by what’s said, it’s caused by what’s missed. Too often, people don’t listen to understand, they listen to reply. That’s not connection, that’s performance.
Listening to understand means slowing down your reaction and absorbing what the other person is actually trying to say. Let them finish. Then reflect back what you heard or ask a clarifying question.
That one move lowers defenses, avoids misunderstandings and keeps the flowing. Trust grows and friction fades.
[We’ll go deeper on this in the next newsletter…. stay tuned!]
3. Create a Low-Friction Culture
Friction doesn’t just happen in single interactions, it builds in the environment you create. People want to know what to expect from you: how you shop up in a meeting, how you handle feedback, and how you react when things get tense.
Unpredictability breeds friction, but when you’re consistent and grounded people relax. They know they can trust you to hold steady. That makes space for real conversations, healthy disagreement, and collaboration that moves things forward.
The Bottom Line: Most of the friction you deal with isn’t about the actual work, it’s about how people engage and how they show up. Clear words, real listening and a steady presence cut the friction and keep things moving.
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